There's so much I wish I could say to you
but you don't want to hear it
and I don't think it's my place to say it anymore
and I'm not sure it would actually help you.


I still haven't made a decision whether to care about you. Do I still owe you? You were there when I needed you, exactly when I needed you, and you didn't let me fall apart. Do you need me now? I know you'd never say it. I can't make up my mind. All I've decided is to let you slip out of my thoughts for another week, and another.

I should just let it go. (let you go)
But don't ever think you can't come back.

Last night Noreen was trying to help me explain myself in personal essays. She told me her father had Parkinson's when she was growing up, and that this kind of trauma in a family really changes you, it matures you and it shows you how strong you are, and after this you can handle anything because it really is the hardest to go through. And she said it might be hard to talk about, but that I really have held up so well in the last year with keeping up everything, with doing so well in school and piano even when things were falling apart.
"It's easy to imagine doing it when everything is perfect, but you really have accomplished a lot even when it wasn't."

I was holding back tears the whole time. Maybe I have a soul after all.

HAI I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR SISTER.

i am such a fucking creeper.